Gatekeeping at the Welcome Table

Rev. Lynn M. Acquafondata
November 29. 2009
For First Unitarian Universalist Church
Youngstown, Ohio

      Cerberus [1] had an important job to do. The giant three headed dog with serpent’s tail, lion’s claws and a mane of snakes guarded the gates of the underworld. He fiercely challenged any ghosts who tried to leave or any live people who tried to enter. As we heard Orpheus managed to find a way past Cerberus, but Cerberus had back up. Hades would make sure that Orpheus paid a heavy price for his transgression.

      Back in Pennsylvania earlier this fall a modern version of this story took place when a group of three visitors attended First UU Church of Indiana one Sunday morning carrying Bibles. After the sermon, one of the guests stood up and started to proselytize for Evangelical Christianity and attack UUs for devil worship. The minister asked him to sit down. He refused. Again she made it clear that his speech was inappropriate at this time and in this place. He continued speaking. She turned to the congregation and asked them to join in the closing hymn. The congregation stood to sing loudly and enthusiastically drowning out the words of the visitor. Afterwards the minister called the police for advice on handling the situation if that visitor should return. As a result of hate crimes that have taken place around the country including in a UU church in Tennessee a year ago, the police said do not let him enter, but call immediately if should return.

      Gatekeeping plays a vital and necessary role whether it takes place in mythology, business or a UU church. The role and the methods of the gatekeeper need to fit the situation and serve the long term health and purposes of the region or organization it guards.

      What do we UUs guard? Who are our gatekeepers? How do we know when we act wisely and enforce healthy boundaries or when we respond passively or reactively and prevent the growth of development of our congregations?

      We can not recognize productive gatekeeping without first having a clear understanding of what we protect. Some people like to say that because Unitarian Universalists do not have a creed, we can believe anything we want. They are wrong.

      In religious educations classes here this year the younger children are studying world religions by hearing the stories of children from around the world who follow a variety of faiths. They are learning how the teachings of other religions have inspired UU principles. Yet the classes make it clear that we do not believe all the same things or share all the same practices.

      The older children are watching scenes from popular films and discussing the themes those films raise about life, belief and theology. Both curriculums show that UUs draw our wisdom from a wide variety of sources. We filter that wisdom through our own perspective and through the basic values of Unitarian Universalism. We believe that as long as we treat all people as valuable and worthwhile, there are multiple valid ways to live and practice religion. We believe in acting with respect for other people even those we do not agree with or understand. We do not accept religious perspectives in our communities which condemn others or assume that an individual or a group is bad or wrong because their views are different from our own.

      When the visitor at the church in Indiana stood up and spoke, the Rev. Joan Sabatino did not criticize his views or try to convince him of UU beliefs, she just told him it was inappropriate for him to proselytize during a Sunday morning service. It would be equally inappropriate for a humanist UU to stand up in a worship service of born again Christians and present the merits of atheism. In fact doing that would go against our principles because it would show disrespect to other people and to their spiritual journey. We can treat people well and value our common humanity without agreeing with or accepting their religious views as our own.

      That’s why basic UU principles are an ideal way to address some of the major problems in our world. As Scott Alexander wrote in our responsive reading today, Unitarian Universalism can make the world a better place through such actions as treating people with love in the face of hate, acting compassionately and seeking justice when we encounter brutality and fear,  speaking from our conscience and modeling the use of the democratic process as a way to counteract tyranny and oppression. The gatekeepers of our religion guard a very precious treasure that has the power to change the world.

      Despite our openness and acceptance, Unitarian Universalists do need to set boundaries and turn some people away. Although from time to time we are justified in acting as fierce guardians of the front door by asking people to leave, ideally setting boundaries takes place in a gentle, open and non-confrontational manner.

      Congregations do this through sharing information about Unitarian Universalism and about our own congregation, handing out pamphlets, explaining what to expect in a typical Sunday service and letting visitors know our basic values and approach to religion. Unitarian Universalism is not a religion for everyone. We want people who think for themselves, who are actively engaged in theological interpretation and who wrestle with choices of how to live out this faith. Most of us came to this religion because we value this approach. Some people want a very different kind of religious experience. One woman who visited a UU church felt so overwhelmed by the pressures and struggles of daily life, that she wanted her religion to be the one place where things are clear. She wanted to come and sit quietly while the minister told her what to believe and how to live her life. Unitarian Universalism expected her to get involved in religion in ways she didn’t find nurturing, healing or comforting. There is nothing wrong with what this woman seeks, but she won’t find it in one of our congregations. We don’t need to send someone like this away. We can receive her warmly and explain what our religion is and what it asks of people. She will decide if this fits her needs or not.

      We also let visitors know who we are through personal sharing. One of the congregations I belonged to held “This I Believe” Sundays on a regular basic in which two or three members share a personal story about why and how they became a UU and what it means for them to live life as a UU. When I lead introduction to Unitarian Universalism classes I always include a time for people to reflect on their own spiritual journey and then share a part of that journey. One typical class included a wide variety of people:

a recently divorced single father who had grown up Jewish, married a conservative Christian and later became agnostic;

a newly engaged couple who had come from Christian backgrounds, the woman helped lead her church youth group in high school, now she finds a spiritual connection in earth centered pagan practices;

a woman who had grown up Catholic, then spent a couple of decades sleeping in on Sundays and taking long hikes to nurture her spirit;

a man who had not grown up in any religious tradition, but is going through major changes in his life and seeks a community in which he can make friends and explore his philosophical ideas; and a woman who had rejected her conservative Protestant upbringing during a Christian Education class at the young age of 10, then raised her own children in a liberal Christian congregation, now she and her husband want a free and creedless religious community.

The people in this group, like all the classes I’ve led find intriguing commonalities as well as an interesting diversity of perspectives. The act of sharing and listening and acknowledging the value of each person’s life in progress says a lot about what it means to be a UU. Some people participate in this sharing feel at home in Unitarian Universalism. Others come and realize they seek a different kind of religion.

      This sharing takes place in informal settings as well. When greeters and other members of the congregation smile and approach visitors, when they take the time to share a piece of their personal journey with a visitor, then the gate swings open and welcomes our guests to stay awhile and explore who we are. This doesn’t always happen naturally, so it helps to have a system in place to make the roles clear and easy to carry out. The church I served in Pittsburgh had a membership committee which organized a list for each Sunday including basic greeters and visitor greeters. Basic greeters say hello to everyone who arrives on Sunday morning and hand out bulletins. Visitor greeters focus on guests, showing them where to make a nametag, how to sign up to receive the newsletter, getting them information and a pamphlets about the church, making sure they find a comfortable seat, inviting them to coffee hour and introducing them to others. The gate swings wide when we leave seats available in especially inviting locations such as near the back and on the aisles and when we wear nametags so repeat visitors don’t have to struggle to remember the names of everyone they met last week. Nametags also serve as a convenient “cheat sheet” for those of us who struggle to remember names of people we know well.

      There are so many ways to be welcoming while also giving a clear picture of who we are and are not. There are also many ways that we can and unfortunately do go wrong, sometimes without even realizing it.

      I grew up Catholic, but as a teenager, I visited an Assembly of God church in my home town of Syracuse, NY. Everyone greeted me with the same question. It wasn’t, “What is your name?” or “How are you today?” or “What are you interested in?” Instead each person asked me, “Are you saved?” I returned two more times only because my brother gave me a ride and because the pastor’s son was cute. Obviously I wasn’t saved.

      I used to tell that story with a smug attitude. “See what those Pentecostal Christians do! They don’t care about people. I’d never be one of them.” Then I started reflecting on things I’ve seen UUs do to visitors on Sunday mornings. To reassure any guests this morning, I’m just a visiting preacher myself, so none of these stories took place here.

      During coffee hour at an unnamed UU congregation in the mid-West, a visitor started to share a story with a congregation member about the way God is moving in her life. The member shifted uncomfortably and interrupted. “We like to joke here,” she said, “that the last time anyone mentioned God at this congregation was when the janitor fell off the ladder.” The visitor never finished her story and didn’t return. What made the member say that? What did she protect? This UU may have thought that if too many of these spiritual and God focused people join, atheists may feel like a marginalized minority. But UUs do hold a variety of theological views including many UUs who are theist and affirm the influence of God in our lives, as well as many are pagan and many who are who are atheist or agnostic and those who don’t think in traditional spiritual terms at all. In addition we value a free search for truth and meaning. Unitarian Universalism thrives on a diversity of perspectives and ideas and an acceptance that there is not one true way even my way.

      Some UU congregations portray this value by holding a congregational reflection time during the Sunday service after the sermon, in which anyone present can share their own perspective on the subject the minister just spoke about. It can lead to a profound exchange of ideas. Unfortunately this open sharing time degenerates in some congregations. In one UU fellowship, a woman stood up “talk back” time and berated people for drinking out of her well marked coffee mug the week before. No one stopped her, so she proceeded her tirade for a full 10 minutes of the Sunday service. Who lulled Cerberus to sleep at that congregation? The members willingness to tolerate this speech communicates that the impulses of one individual far outweigh the needs of the group.

      At another church, the gatekeepers in this case, every member of the congregation used another technique. I’m sure they didn’t consciously think about it, but at coffee hour they gathered in small circles of three or four. One group tried to figure out whether they should continue holding the annual meeting on Saturday night or move it to Sunday morning. Another group started discussing the latest decision by the board to hire another staff member. A circle of close friends talked excitedly about last week’s service auction and shared a concern they had about a friend who didn’t make it to church that morning. No one noticed the visitors standing awkwardly and reading pamphlets.

      In this case, members liked a small gathering. When visitors arrived they feared the congregation would grow too large and they wouldn’t know everyone anymore. They didn’t say directly to the guests, “This congregation is big enough already, please don’t come back,” but their actions achieved the same goal. The visitors didn’t feel a welcome place for them at this UU congregation.

      We sometimes have gatekeepers in our midst who communicate barriers which do not accurately reflect the essence of Unitarian Universalism. Those guests do not know the truth, they just leave.

      If we only let people into Unitarian Universalism who make us feel safe and secure, we lose the essence our religious tradition. To live out the values of Unitarian Universalism involves embracing people who will challenge our ideals in productive and growth inducing ways, even if we think of them as enemies and they make us uncomfortable.

      This has happened in various ways throughout UU history. John Murray grew up a strict Calvinist in the 1700s. As an adult he became a committed Methodist. One day he was sent out to convert a young woman away from her heretical Universalist faith. They engaged in a conversation in which, though Murray did not admit it at the time her arguments convinced him instead of him converting her. He left feeling mortified and avoided Universalists for a period of time, but finally he sought out the Universalist church. John Murray went on to become a minister of that heretical faith tradition and ending up coming to America and starting Universalist churches here.

      Moving forward to the late 1900s, Margot Adler, a Wiccan priestess and author became involved in Unitarian Universalism. You might know her as a National Public Radio correspondent. She wrote many books including Drawing Down the Moon, a history of paganism in America. I’m sure a few UUs felt nervous when she first walked into their congregation. Did she fit in our movement? What would she do to us? In an article from World Magazine in 1996, Margot Adler wrote, “ I guess I chose Unitarian Universalism because I need to live in balance. I love the fact that Unitarian Universalists have a good many atheists and humanists among them. After all, it's important to have a reality check, to have people who will bring us down to earth and say, "Stop all this intuitive garbage and look at the reality: this is a ceiling, this is a table, this is a floor. And by the way, get out of that trance: look at that homeless guy lying in the street. I can do all those wonderful, earth-centered spiritual things: sing under the stars, drum for hours, create moving ceremonies for the changes of seasons or the passage of time in the lives of men and women. But I also need to be a worldly, down-to-earth person in a complicated world--someone who believes oppression is real, that tragedies happen, that chaos happens, that not everything is for a purpose….And I think, in turn, the Pagan community has brought to Unitarian Universalism the joy of ceremony, and a lot of creative and artistic ability that will leave the denomination with a richer liturgy and a bit more juice and mystery.”

      That describes the ideal reciprocal sharing and development that comes when we welcome people to our faith who aren’t exactly like us, who fit our tradition in their own way. Ideally our visitors will learn from us, but also give us new perspectives which challenge us to grow and become more than we already are.

      Each one of us got involved in Unitarian Universalism because we have found something very special and important, something worth preserving. In fact I’ve heard many newcomers say with longing, “I wish I had known about this religion many years ago.” Even more sad are those who spent their life looking for what we offer, but when they finally visit a UU church they are ignored or treated defensively or simply can’t find a seat without walking to the front of the church. These people leave empty and we remain unaware of the loss of a valuable companion on the journey. It’s our responsibility to stand at the gates as new people walk through our doors and protect our core identity as UUs, sharing who who we are, teaching them what this tradition has to offer. When we do this with hearts and minds open, we are ready to receive the precious and unexpected gifts our guests might offer us and our faith tradition. 

1. “Orpheus” from The Beautiful Stories of Life: Six Greek Myths, Retold by Cynthia Rylant